So far so good

Its been awhile since i last wrote  something
Seems like this 'awhile' dont wanna be told to anyone
I kept every feelings to myself nowadays
Just wanna say that i wont give up on us
I want to be hard to be estimate
Well, because not evryone undrrstands me
So let just see what will happen in the future
I will never want to try to forget you if i have been given a choice

Dont you remember i said before
You're first, last and forever, shafiq.

.

I want my watch back but..

Eyes nose lips by Taeyang

Translation

Don’t say sorry cant you see

Red lips haunting me. Ouh youre killing me. Ouh

I'll be okay. 

My selfishness that couldn’t let you go
turned into an obsession that imprisoned you.
Were you hurt because of me?
You sit silently.
Why am I a fool, why can’t I forget you.
You’re already gone.

Your eyes, nose, lips
Your touch that used to touch me,
to the ends of your fingertips.
I can still feel you

but like a burnt out flame,
burnt and destroyed
all of our love
it hurts so much, but now I’ll call you a memory.

Love you, loved you
I must have not been enough
Maybe I could see you just once by coincidence.
Everyday I grow restless,
Everything about you is becoming faint.
You smile back in our pictures,
unknowing of our approaching farewell.

My selfishness that couldn’t let you go
turned into an obsession that imprisoned you
Were you hurt because of me?
You sit silently.
Why am I a fool, why can’t I forget you.
You’re already gone.

Your eyes, nose, lips
Your touch that used to touch me,
to the ends of your fingertips.
I can still feel you

but like a burnt out flame,
burnt and destroyed
all of our love
it hurts so much, but now I’ll call you a memory.

Your black eyes that only saw me
Your nose that held the sweetest breath
Your lips that whispered ‘i love you, i love you’ 

And my love will never fade..

Your eyes, nose, lips
Your touch that used to touch me,
to the ends of your fingertips.
I can still feel you

but like a burnt out flame,
burnt and destroyed
all of our love.
it hurts so much, but now I’ll call you a memory.

Remember that night?

Eventhough you said we are now just friends

I still think youre just kidding me

Before this, we are friends too

Speacial friends

We'd never declare anything with each other so apparently 

We didnt brake any relationship

I think

I still want us to be like the old us

Theres too much things that i love and cannot forget about you

We promised alot for our future and now

Why is this happening

We're not broken just bent

We can learn to love again

Do you remember the night when cikgu syahriah called us to the teacher's room

Well, she actually called me suddenly you came too

Do you remember what you had promised to her and to me

Do you still remember how hard we tried to make of love looks strong infront of all the people around us

Do you remember how awful we cried hmmm

I hate it because i remember all of this

That night, i actually prayed my istiharah

I followed cikgu syahriah's advice

"Betul ke awak ni yu, awak betul betul yakin ke dia lelaki yg akan jaga awak nanti, awak yakin ke dia boleh jaga awak and anak anak awak dgn baik, awak yakin ke satu hari nanti, kat uni ke, yg awak takkan terjumpa lelaki yg lebih baik daripada dia, sayangnya kalau muda muda macam awak dah lemas dalam cinta ni, perkara ni memang tak boleh elak, mulut orang mengata, kalau awak yakin dengan dia, tunjuklah yg awak yakin dan janganlah terlalu berkepit, takdir Allah adalah yg terbaik, buatlah istiharah, minta allah tunjukkan sama ada pilihan awak ni betul, Allah maha mengetahui, cikgu sayangkan awak yu, cikgu taknak awak terluka time muda ni"

She said something like this, well not accurately,

I only write what i remembers

So yeah, i did it, and slept again

Guess what, that was my first istiharah 

so i didnt quite know how it works

No dream

But on Subuh

I prayed hajats and all, 

Then when it was time for Jemaah Subuh prayer

The curtains were lifted(as usual)

And that was when i realized, you are the right guy for me

You were there, exactly right in front of me

It was unbelievable and i too was unsured at first whether this is a clue or not

I can see you eventho i dont wear my spec

Obviously it was you and im not crazy

I know that was a sign for me

I know im confident that youre my guy

Youre the one

Actually before i did the istiharah, i thought that i dont need it

I was sure with you

I was pretty sure youre loyal and it taught me to be loyal too

하지만, 지금은 왜 이렇개 했어요?

Its not that im not accepting things youve made with me

But i just couldnt believe how it happened

I still love you 

Eventho you dont allow me

And you hate me

They said youre just being ego and i hope its true because if thats the reason

There must be some chance if you open your heart a little for me

I will never hate you

Eventho you wrote things that hurt me

I'm strong I'm strong I'm strong

I cry when no one sees me

I love when everyone hates

Im not okay when im smiling

I want to start it all over

Sing that song Just Give Me A Reason and tell me why i should give up on you

Youre my guy

Youre my crush, again

Youre gonna be my future if Allah lets it

If thats the best for ne

I'll wait, azi

Hmmmmm..

I accepted your choice eventho i 100% dont like it
And i dont care whatever you think because i want to wait for you

Stone

Hey

I decided something

I dont want to look desperate in front of you anymore

Instead i want to wait

Will see when will my heart change

Will wait for a miracle

It doesnt fair

Im the only one whos crying everynight

You?

You have your games to accompany you

You dont need me

Yeah. I know you dont need me

Having your games as your girlfriend feels more alive right

Im too bad to be compared with your forever fun games right

Im too over thinking right

Im too dumb stupid idiot to be cared for right

Well

You are right

Everything you'd ever think of is right

You can treat me like an ordinary girl

Its okay for me

Yeah

Okay

Everything is okay

I hate to feel this way in the morning

It will ruin my whole day

And then it will ruin my life

If this what you wanttt i understand

Eventhough i dont understand it perfectly but i understand that

You don't have any space or time for me anymore

Youre not ready to love anyone yet

Something is more worth it to be done then loving me 

Or treating me nicely

Can i make this as my last post because i dont feel like expressing my feelings anymore

I want to lock my heart again

Theres no reason for it to be exposed anymore

I want to be a stone heart again

Im meant to be like that

Until the right person comes

Or never

I wont give up

Had you really given up on me

Or if i want to think positive, maybe you are prenventing us from any haram wrongdoings

But, if i think again

Why so sudden and it doesnt make sense because that wasnt our plan

We planned to love each other

Until forever

Or am i the only one who thought of it

What happen now doesnt make sense at all

I cant believe we are like this recently

What is the cause of all this coldness between us

I still want you azi

You and only you

No matter how bad you are

How naughty cold mean you were

But you are still nice i know that theres still something for me

I cant let go of you

If you think i said i wanna let go of you

Youre wrong

And if i ever said that

Im lying

But i dont mind if what i do right now feels like bothering you

I just want to get you back

I want you and me to be us again

Hati aku tak tenang sangat 

Dah lama aku tak rasa the true meaning of happiness

All the things i do and did with anyone near me

I would think of you

Yeah. You might think i am lying

When did you last doakan aku

Doakan lah kita dapat bersama semula 

Aku tak berhenti langsung berharap yg kau akan jadi macam dulu

Maybe you just want to be in love with your games

Okay till then

Why am i always the one who feel this

It hurts 

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